The mysteries and doubts about sex that
plague the average man and woman run a wide-ranging gamut. But there are some
that today's sex counselors hear more often than others. Here they are, along
with the answers!
1. Is masturbation harmful?
This one, of course, tops the list. From
acne to insanity, from impotence to memory loss - hardly any ailment in the
medical encyclopedia has not been blamed on masturbation! Until the inception
of the 20th century, even the physicians fell in line and prescribed
"cures" ranging from leeches to suck out blood from the genitals, to
"cages" in which children's penises could be padlocked by parents and
the key thrown away.
This was in the West. In India, although
the amorous ancients joyously documented their masturbatory postures for
posterity - the temples of Halebid in Karnataka flaunt masturbating males among
their erotic carvings - the majority of Indian youth is tortured by crippling
fears about the effects of masturbation on body and mind.
The fact is that no minister or medico has
ever provided a shred of evidence to suggest that masturbation is harmful. To
the contrary, current opinion among enlightened sexologists is that
masturbation is not only not harmful, but it may also be distinctly beneficial.
To demolish the more common myths:
The penis has no muscles; hence there is no
way that masturbation can lead to 'weaknesses.
Masturbation does not deplete the body's
supply of semen, leading to a scarcity situation. Semen is produced every day -
and it's produced to be used! As sexologist comments, "It is disuse, not
use, that leads to atrophy."
Masturbation does not impair sexual intercourse or sexual pleasure. In fact, there is growing evidence that lack of
masturbatory experience may lead to problems like impotence and anorgasmia
(difficulty in experiencing intense orgasm). Masturbation is the ultimate source of
sexual self-awareness and forms an important part of many sex therapy programs.
Sexologists, however, do caution that
masturbation may indicate some other underlying problem if it is indulged in
compulsively and to the exclusion of other sexual outlets even when available.
2. What can I do to increase the size of my
penis?
That question is best answered by another:
Why do you want to? Most men feel that they'd be Olympic performers in bed if
only their penises were "a little" longer or a little broader...
Although there are wide variations in the size of penises in the flaccid state,
erection is said to be the great equalizer because penises that are small in
the non-erect state enlarge proportionately more than penises that are longer
or broader in the non-erect state. And of course, the size of the flaccid penis
is irrelevant to sexual performance!
What's more, even during erection, not more
than 5cm of penile length is necessary or for reproductive purposes. The outer
one-third (i.e. about 5 cm) of the vagina has the most concentrated nerve
ending, and this is the portion that is sensitive to the thrusting penis. As
for reproduction, man only needs enough penis to be able to deliver the semen
into the vagina - from there on, the sperm speed upward with a momentum of
their own!
3. Is oral sex dirty and perverted?
Oral sex brings the tongue, lips, and mouth
into play in the genital area, and in that sense brings an added dimension to
sexual activity: all the senses are now involved. In those who are at ease with
it, it can heighten arousal, providing the final surge of excitement leading to
intercourse; it can even directly bring on orgasm.
But not everybody is comfortable with oral
sex; guilt and awkwardness are felt even by several of those who indulge in it.
One reason for considering it 'dirty' is that most people are conditioned to
think of the genitals themselves are dirty. But, from a scientific point of
view, oral sex is no more unhygienic than mouth to mouth kissing.
Some people are put off by the genital
odors, or the genital secretions. But the secretions themselves are relatively
clean, and the odors partly reflect the kind of foods that the person eats.
And, a good bath before engaging in oral sex should ensure cleanliness.
Nobody has yet been able to come up with a
valid reason why oral sex is dirty or unhealthy or perverted. The feeling
persists among many, and the most worrying thing about oral sex is the worry it
causes.
4. How can I make sex more satisfying?
Make sure you are with the right partner.
Someone, you're comfortable with and care about. Emotions are an important part
of the sexual experience.
Not over-tired or under stress. Both are
poor starting points for good sex.
Not plagued by fears about sex itself. This
mainly applies to women - and the fears range from the fear of pain to the fear
of pregnancy. Inhibitions or anxiety are instant passion-poopers.
Ready to experiment and to innovate.
Different positions, different places, even different roles (alternating
between aggressor and passive partner) bring in the variety that puts the spice
into sex.
